ChurchofIdolotry6

Season 8 Ain't Looking So Great

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 22:20:29 GMT

Allow me to dust off the COI blog and get this thing rolling again. Did you miss us? No? Well, f*** you, too!

I joke, I tease, I kid.

One week into the semifinals and already I'm bored. That's not a good sign. Anyway, here are my opinions.

Jackie Tohn - "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley: It was kinda corny, but she's got a good voice. Of course, her chances of advancing are less than zero due to performing in the death slot.

Ricky Braddy - "A Song For You" - by Leon Russell: the guy has some pipes. It's too bad that he hasn't been featured much up to this point; otherwise, he would have a decent shot of making it through. Maybe he'll get a wild card slot. He's a bit dull personality wise, but he's got enough going for him to deserve another chance.

Alexis Grace - "Never Loved a Man" by Aretha Franklin: A decent singer, but something rings hollow about her. She seems sort of fake to me, like a little girl playing dress-up in hopes that the adults will invite her to the big dining room table. She has a solid chance of making the Top 12.

Brent Keith - "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean: WTF was that? Not only did he choose a dumb song, but he sang like he had a corn cob stuck up his a**. No way he makes it through. Back to being a Nashville Star reject.

Stevie Wright - "You Belong to Me" by Taylor Swift : The worst performance of the night. A bad song choice made worse in that she sang off-key more than Taylor Swift. I didn't know such a feat was possible, so kudos to Stevie for reaching such a milestone. She stunk up the joint something awful and she totally pissed on herself.

Anoop Desai - "Angel of Mine" by Monica: Decent singing, questionable song choice. He might make it through by virtue of being featured so much in earlier rounds, but he didn't do himself any favors.

Casey Carlson - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" by the Police: HELL NO. This was rough listening. Another bad song selection coupled with some warbly singing.

Michael Sarver - "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw: There needs to be a moratorium on this song. Some dope sings it every freaking year. This version was so-so. Nothing too bad, but not great. The judges seem to like him, so I imagine he'll get a wild card bid if he doesn't make it through the first time around.

Anne Marie Boskovich - "Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin: She was way out of her league by tackling that song. She's got an OK voice, but going for ReRe's inaguration church hat sealed her fate. No go.

Stephen Fowler - "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson: Il Papa said that Stephen was better than Chikieze. Someone check to see if Mr. Rose put a double dose of cyanide in his Kool-Aid, because this dude was unimpressive. He knew that he wet himself, too. He just dragged himself off-stage like the fodder he is.

Tatiana Del Toro - "Saving All My Love For You" by Whitney Houston: Drama queen antics aside, she's got a pretty good voice. Most contestants that cover Whitney songs do a poor job, but Tatiana was solid and some parts of her performance were quite nice. I can't lie--I want her to make it through because I need someone to bring the crazy during the finals. BTW, what was up with Paula trying to laugh at Tatiana's cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puffs routine? If there's one person who's got no room to laugh at anyone when it comes to insanity, it's Paula. What's the over/under for MC Skat Cat's main chick to slip into her Valium-induced coma this season, anyway?

Danny Gokey - "Hero" by Mariah Carey: Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I didn't enjoy this performance. Yes, Danny has a good voice. But choosing this treacly song while giving that syrupy monologue about wanting to inspire others to just HOLD ON TO THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE! during their time of grief? GMAFB. This ain't the Miss America pageant where Susan Kate MacHado of Minnesota gives her spiel about wanting world peace. Of course Randy, Paula, and Kara honked and clapped liked trained circus seals at the end of what surely was the best Idol performance EVAH! Someone pass me the garbage can while I puke. Are we going to have to deal with this prententious dude's mess until late May? Let me know so I can stock up on vodka--it's the only way I can make it through such tripe.

Crawling To The End

Wed, 14 May 2008 15:18:38 GMT

No detailed review this week, as I just don't have it in me.

Syesha was better than the judges wanted you to think she was. However, I'll buy every single one of you a car if she's not eliminated tonight.

Gaspy was a walking snoozefest. Wonder how Daddy's going to react when he doesn't take home the crown?

Combover was pretty predictable, but I think he's got it won.

Final Bore...

Wed, 07 May 2008 02:05:57 GMT

Aside from Syesha, tonight was a complete disaster...

David �Combover� Cook sang �Hungry Like The Wolf�- The typical Hinderback performance from David. * and �Baba O�Riley�-Okay, this is my favorite Who song but I didn�t like the arrangement or David�s laid back take on the song. *1/2

Syesha sang �Proud Mary�- I hope she can pull some sort of upset and win the whole shebang, but I�m not holding my breath. This was a really solid performance with hints of outright greatness. *** and �A Change Is Gonna Come�-Hands down the best performance of at least the past month or so. Randy is insane. ***1/2

Jason sang �I Shot The Sheriff�- Did you hear that rumbling down Jamaica way? That was Bob Marley rolling over in his grave. Absolutely one of the most horrific things ever heard on American Idol(and that�s saying something) �* and �Mr. Tambourine Man�- Not as bad as the Marley song, but still very tepid. Forgetting the lyrics is pretty inexcusable at this point. *1/2

David Archuleta sang �Stand By Me�- Shouldn�t you be required to have at least a little soul in your voice to sing this song? Gaspy is as whitebread as they come. * and �Love Me Tender�-He�s no Elvis..he�s not even dead Elvis�he�s not even a dead Elvis impersonator. *

Syesha was hands down the BEST
Castro was absolutely the WORST
I think we�ve seen the last of Jason and his Caucasian dreads.

Nothing Ever Prepares You for The End

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 19:13:13 GMT

Jason's cover of "Forever in Blue Jeans" showcases his best and worst attributes. Jason is a pleasant guy. He seems friendly, goofy, and light-hearted. He's the type of guy who'll help you move into your new apartment and not ask for so much as a slice of pizza in return. But AI demands its contestants to pander and prostitute themselves in the loudest octave possible. Jason just isn't that kind of guy. There's nothing wrong with that--in the real world. But AI is an artificial concoction and as such, requires artifical melodrama. And that's something that Jason can never give.

David Cook hits the stage with "I'm Alive" and for all purposes, it's good enough. Nothing spectacular, but servicable and in a season where most contestants can't find their way to the supermarket, the guy who can make a meal out of dandelion leaves is king. It's not a satsifying meal, but it'll keep you from starving. David Cook isn't that good of a performer, but he's all AI really has at this point. It's their own damn fault.

Brooke has apparently been introduced to Xanax, because she's quite chipper tonight. While she looks like a 1970's Hee Haw cornfield extra with that ruffled denim blouse, she covers "I'm a Believer" with cheery aplomb. So hooray! No need to hide the sharp objects from the Rated G Superstar tonight. Thankful for small favors and such.

David Archuleta and his handlers could give a master class on Finding Safety in the Pop Music Universe. "Sweet Caroline" is right between Archie's sweet spot of tweener girls who'd like to french him with their glittery lipgloss and grandmas who wanted to fragance his cherubic face with the scent of Cashmere Bouquet dusting powder. It was adequate, it was compentent, it was a stagnant pond of algae and mosquito larvae. Let us move on before the stench clings to our clothes.

Syesha serenades us with "Hello" and it doesn't make me want to scream "Be gone!" at my TV. Actually, this is quite good.

And with the end of Act I of the Diamond Follies drawing to a closing, the fourth wall of American Idol's facade is cracked by one of its own.

Paula Abdul is the perfect judge for American Idol. Her career was the stuff of Milli Vanill lipsynching and C&C Music Factory track layering. She shook her pom-poms for Tinseltown's Harlem Globetrotters, the Los Angeles Lakers. And she's a Joe Gillis away from becoming the Norma Desmond of late 20th Century bubblegum pop music. She's the perfect artifical sweetener upon which on AI builds its sugar-walled empire. So it should come as no surprise that in a codeine and cocktail-fueled stupor, Ms. Abdul reveals to the carbon copy public that the judges listen to the dress rehearsal and base their judgments on that performance rather than the live one. Everyone already knew this, but to have it out in the open cheapens the effect of pretense. Why wear the mask when we have seen the scars? Randy, Simon, and Ryan become a three-headed version of Max von Mayerling and roll the camera for the delusional Ms. Abdul. The audience sat in stunned silence, not knowing quite what to do with the spectacle before him. It's typical Hollywood: flawed to perfection, real in its fake veneer.

With Paula's chemcially induced ramblings, Jason knows that he could have performed "September Morn" such that would put the ghost of Enrico Caruso to shame and it wouldn't have mattered. Again, he was pleasant but droll. Coffee shop/beachcomber/bong time music is his calling card. He can't change it. And really, it's not bad at all. But for a show that prides itself on vocal hysterics, it's all wrong. Jason is all wrong.

By choosing "All I Really Need is You" for his second song, David C. gave himself the freedom to put a different spin on an unfamiliar song. He went for the Nickelback/Lifehouse treatment. That's a good thing, I guess. If nothing else, he's ensuring himself airtime on Top 40 radio with his pop-rock sound. I wasn't impressed, but what you can do?

Brooke's version of "I Am I Said" highlighted what has been obvious for weeks: she's wonderful when she's performing with just her piano. But when the band kicks in, her vocals get lost in the mix. She's an acoustic singer and needs to stick with that.

There are moments in everyone's life where you have to realize that none of us are actually prepared for the end. One of those moments came for me during Archie's rendition of "America." I'm not sure if I've ever been witness to anything so surreal appearing on my TV. It was like being part of a tent revival where the jack-legged preacher sells you snake oil, claiming that it cures polio and whooping cough. Your mind stops understanding at some point and you're just in a fog, delirious to the picture fading to black and you fall victim to false hope. You realize you're confused and you know why, but it happens anyway and you can't stop it. It burns a hole in your heart that no salve can soothe. It's the most empty kind of pain known in the pop culture Pantheon.

I gave up the ghost with that performance. I went into casket formation: arms crossed over my chest while clutching a pocket-sized Bible as the funeral director tucked in my burial blanket just before closing the lid on me. God is merciful all the time. I couldn't handle it. It was if a priest doused my eternally damned soul with holy water. I recoiled and writhed in agony. At the very least, I was channeling the Wicked Witch of the West: I'm melting, melting. . .oh, what a world! Oh, what pandering!

I've been told that Syesha was pretty good on "Thank the Lord for the Night Time" but I was too busy getting the old mirror-under-the-nose test administered to see if I was still part of the present world. David Archuleta is the spawn of Satan, folks. We have seen the enemy and it's a 17-year-old gasping lad with squinty eyes. With his overbearing dad for backup.

If anyone is looking for me, I'll be in my bunker, wearing a tinfoil hat and waiting for the rest of you to realize that this is the end. David Archuleta is pop music's Anti-Christ. Prepare for the Revelation. I'll leave a glass of Kool-Aid on the nightstand for you.

Diamond..in the Rough.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:24:53 GMT

Jason sang �Forever In Blue Jeans�- Sort of appealing in the most ingratiating way possible. ** and �September Morn�- Jason did better on this song, but still one dimensional. **1/2

David Cook sang �I�m Alive�- It went by so quickly that I forgot it as soon as it ended. * and �All I Really Need Is You�- More boredom. The judges are insane.*

Brooke sang �I�m A Believer�- Snoozefest, plain and simple. * and �I Am, I Said�-This is one of my favorite Neil Diamond songs, and Brooke did okay with it. Eh�**

David Archuleta sang �Sweet Caroline�- Sort of watered down karaoke meets high school talent show. * and �America�- I�d like to defect. *

Syesha sang �Hello�- I liked this, despite her somewhat straightforward approach to the song. **1/2 and �Thank the Lord for the �Nighttime�- Not crazy about the song, but liked the performance. **1/2

Syesha was the BEST
Cook and Archuleta were the WORST.
I think Syesha is gone, though.

Lloyd-Webber's Awful Stuff Runs For Years and Years and Years..

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:12:46 GMT

Syesha sang some song called "One Rock and Roll Too Many"- Never heard of the song, but she sounded okay. A wee bit cutesy, but not unbearably bad or anything. **1/4

Jason sang "Memory"- To be fair, this is probably a really tough song to sing. To be blunt, Jason couldn't quite pull it off because his voice just isn't big enough. *1/2

Brooke sang "You Must Love Me"- I don't think I've ever seen someone start a song over during the five years I've been watching AI on a regular basis. It didn't really matter. Both her performance and the song were boring. *

Archuleta sang "Think Of Me"- Yet another schlocky piece of musical rice cake sang quite adequately by young Dave. **

Carly sang "Jesus Christ, Superstar"- This is probably the strangest song choice since Taylor Hicks did "Play That Funky Music" during AI5. It sort of worked on a very curious, unexplainable level. **1/2

David Cook sang "Music of the Night"- God, how I hatre this song. David Combover didn't make me like it any better...*1/2

Syesha and Carly were the least offensive.

I'm guessing that we've seen the last of Brooke.

Failure

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:00:45 GMT

Mariah Carey is mentoring the kids this week. Welcome to the celebrity B-List, Miss Carey.

David sang When You Believe- Mariah towers over lil� Dave. Don�t know the song, but I guess he sang it the way it�s supposed to be sung. Uhh��eh�.**.

Carly sang Without You- Mariah did the worst cover of this great Harry Nilsson song�.oh wait, Carly just did an even worse version! It seemed to go on forever and ever. *

Syesha sang Vanishing- Another song I don�t know. The piano player has a badass goatee! Hahha�.that�s great! The performance was mediocre. **

Brooke sang Hero- Ok, I�ve heard this song. I don�t like it, but I�ve heard it. Brooke looked to be shaking uncontrollably during her performance. Whatever she�s taking must have been wearing off. Another �eh..**

KKKLC sang Forever- What the hell are they thinking with the song choices? Kristy Lee is a piece of failed carbon, and the song was just plain crap.1/2*

David Cook sang Always Be My Baby � David�s become a pretentious douchebag. Oh, look how different he is as he adds a supposedly new twist to the common pop song! More crap *

Jason sang I Don�t Wanna Cry � More weakness and boredom from the slow-witted Jason. *

Best
Nobody

Worst
KLC was particularly terrible.

Should Exit
KLC

Will Exit
Carly

AI: Inspring Fans to Find Something Else to Watch

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:14:14 GMT

Last night's show was perfect in it medicority. It was vanilla ice cream, served with Nilla Wafers and skim milk. There wasn't any performance to crow about, but here goes the reviews:

Jason Castro apparently smoked a stronger version of the sticky icky, because it takes either bravery or total unawareness to play a ukulele without a sense of irony. And I don't take Jason as the brave type. With that said, his cover of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was solid. He did try to stretch his vocals more this week, so kudos for that. He had the best performance of the night.

I would have crowned Lil' Davey Archuleta last night's winner but he didn't sing "Angels" with much convinction, in spite of having covered for a junior-high production (check out YouTube for this). The first part of the performance was muddled, but he came along pretty strong at the end, so all's well that ends well. The boy looks exhausted from all the work he's doing, but he didn't wet himself and as such, won't get beat with a wet towel by Daddy Dearest.

Syesha Mercado is hell-bent on becoming the next power singer. Poor girl needs to realize that will never be her calling card. She's a good singer when she isn't trying to hit those old-school Mariah Carey high notes. Her version of "I Believe" was techncially better than Fantasia's, but Fanty brought the emotion to a milquetoast song and made me--well, believe that she was invested in it. This wasn't anything wrong with Syesha's singing, but she lacked the urgency needed for this kind of ditty.

Kristy Lee Cook, if nothing else, is aware enough to realize that she's performing on borrowed time. She understands that she's not going to win the show, but if she can outsing at least one other contestant every week, she gets to wear another glitterly tank top next week. So she goes to her faithful country wheelhouse and performs "Anyway." It wasn't great, but Kristy didn't stink up the joint, either. And, if we're being honest, she wasn't close to being the worst of the night. By all accounts, we should be saddled with her caterwauling for next Tuesday.

Michael Johns is old enough to know how important song choice is. His puppies-are-cute-rainbows-are-pretty speech about why he chose "Dream On" is such garbage. I expect that sort of sewage from Archuleta, but not Johns. It didn't help matters that he pretty much butchered the song. And when did hollering about how the Good Lord might take you away become an inspiration? Unless I'm guaranteed a spot next to St. Peter in the Heavenly choir, don't anyone call me about death just yet! I didn't get this performance.

David Cook was way, WAY off his 'Let Me Get My Performance Off YouTube" game tonight. Again, I didn't understand the song choice. With lyrics about how some guy sits in his basement listening to Lennon and Cobain sounds like a cry for help and the number to the Boys' Town National Hotline to me. And he changed speeds in his performance. He started out slow and, upon realizing that the Mosh Pit Dorks weren't feeling him, decided to rev up things. Neither speed was any good.

Brooke White is having a nervous breakdown before our eyes. Did you see her scrunchy face at the end of her performance? That's the look someone gets just before their right eye starts twitching and they toss their head back in a blood-curdling scream while drawing blood from their torn-by-ragged-nails skin. She's trying to hold on, but she's not gonna make it. "You've Got a Friend" is a sweet pop song and Brooke managed to drain it of all its charm. Not a good night for the Rated-G Superstar.

But at the previous seven didn't sound like they needed to excuse themeselves for a bathroom break. Carly Smithson needs to invest in some Correctol or Colon Cleanse, because she sounded like she was on the toilet, trying to pass some bad buffet food. My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies/While my instentines full of 6-day-old beer battered shrimp dies. What would compel her to make such an odd song choice with "The Show Must Go On?" Freddie Mercury can sing better than that in his current state. By far the worst of the evening.

Last night did inspire me. Indeed, I'll be watching a movie during tonight's Idol Gives Back show. And no, I will not be giving my pennies to the Malaria Foundation. Sorry, Seacrest.

Anthems and Apathy

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:02:15 GMT

This was a terrible night. I'm talking AI6 levels of awfulness.

Mike Johns sang Dream On � I was impressed that he hit the high notes at the end. Other than that, it was just good and nothing more. Michael�s defensive attitude is wearing thin. ***

Syesha sang I Believe - Rainbows�pots of gold...shooting stars..dreaming�ahh sweet Disney mania. Yea I was completely indifferent to this performance. *

Jason sang Over The Rainbow � Take away the uke, and the performance was really average. Maybe he�ll break out the Dulcimer next week. **

KLC sang Anyway � Typical nu-country boredom. Another tepid performance from Amerikkka�s Sweetheart. �*

David Cook sang Innocent � I pretty much hated every second of it. I liked that bit at the end when the song stopped, though. *

Carly sang The Show Must Go On � This is one of my favorite latter day Queen songs. Carly absolutely butchered it. This bordered on being painful to listen to. �*

David Archuleta sang Angels � I liked it. Sue me. ***1/4

Brooke sang You�ve Got A Friend � This is a pop classic, but she didn�t do anything special with it. It�s kinda like buying a Picasso and hanging it in the garage. **

Best
David Archuleta

Worst
Almost everybody else�

Should Go
KLC or Carly

Will Go
Carly

Dolly Would?

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:17:30 GMT

First off, Dolly Parton is starting to resemble a porcelain figure. Her face looked to be on the verge of shattering to pieces.

Anyways...

Brooke sang Jolene- This was better than last week, but not as good as I expected it to be. She seems to be stuck in some sort of Sheryl Crow-like rut. **

David Cook sang Little Sparrow-I didn�t get it at all. The front row plants waving their arms along to a song they�ve never heard really irritated me, for some reason. David�s not as good as they want you to believe he is. *1/2

Ramiele sang Do I Ever Cross Your Mind- This actually wasn�t bad in parts. Some of it was a complete trainwreck, though. �Eh..**.. I�m feeling generous.

Jason sang Travelin� Through- Like Brooke, Jason is stuck in an acoustic/adult contemporary rut. He needs to do something different before people begin to grow tired of him, if they haven�t already. **

Carly sang Here You Come Again- This was the best we�ve seen from Carly, in my opinion. I liked the tone of her voice, and thought it fit what she was going for quite well. ***

David Archuleta sang Smoky Mountain Memories- A bit disingenuous, but otherwise it was a solid vocal performance. ***

KLC sang Coat Of Many Colors- I really doubt that Kristy can relate to a song about having to wear a coat made of rags. This was a dull performance, and like David A., came across as completely devoid of any real feel or emotion. *

Syesha sang I Will Always Love You- This was the natural choice for Syesha, of course. She pretty much nailed it, aside from a couple bad notes here and there. ***

Michael sang It�s All Wrong, But It�s All Right- I actually sort of liked this. I thought the bluesy take on the song really served him well and helped to make the performance unique. ***

Best

Michael

Syesha

Carly

David A.

Worst

KLC

David Cook

Should and Will Go

KLC

Top 10: The Power List

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:18:36 GMT

1. David Archuleta: while he didn't deserve the tongue bath the judges gave him last week, Lil' Davey managed to pull himself back to the top of the PL. And with his strongest competitor already finding herself in the B3, he's likely at the top of this list to stay.

2. Brooke White: she wet the bed with last week's performance, but she's the #1 female of this year's contest. She'll be around for several weeks to come.

3. Jason Castro: Mr. Puff & Pass has nearly as many girls squealing for him as Lil' Davey. Can Jason change up his fast-becoming one-trick style to get to the finale?

4. David Cook: in any other season, this guy would be closer to the top of the PL. But he's got a lot of competition to overcome to become AI champ. If one of the guys in front of him falter, Big Davey makes to the Top 3.

5. Carly Smithson: the writing is on the wall for her. America just doesn't like her all that much. The judges will do what they can to save her for a while, but they can't compensate for her deseperate and somewhat unlikeable personality. She's got a couple of weeks left to try and remedy the situation, but I think it's pretty hopeless at this point.

6. Michael Johns: the Ace Young for S7--all hype, no real delievery. His voice is much better than his perfomances suggest, but he's just going through the paces. Now that he's got his spot on the tour, I don't think he cares all that much about winning anymore.

7. Chikieze: his all-or-nothing approach got him onto the AI tour. The great thing about him is that his guns-blazing style doesn't seem desperate, even though we realize that it's the only that's saving him so far. He needs to continue to give original twists to his performances. He might knock off one of the early favorites if fate deals him the right hand.

8. Syesha Mercado: she's in the same boat as Carly--decent singer, but something about her has caused the AI voters to dislike her. If she picks some decent songs, she might squeak by for another two weeks, but that's about it.

9. Ramiele Mulabuy: she's fallen flat week after week, but her fanbase is putting her through. But with several other contestants being so popular, I don't know if she stay out of the B3 for much longer, barring a spectacular performance.

10. Kristy Lee Cook: the rest of America clearly heard Kristy promising to blow Simon Cowell's man sock off, too. How else can you explain why she's still disgracing our TV with her presence? I think her time on AI is near its end, but I said the same thing last week. Is KLC this year's Sanjaya? Let's hope not!

Know Your Role

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:33:42 GMT

If there is one thing that all AI contestants should know by now, it's that once you sign on, you have to play the game. You can play by Nigel Lythgoe's rules 100% or you can find creative ways to get around things. But make no mistake--you will play the game. Participation is not an option once you make it to the AI stage.

Amanda Overmyer's too-cool-for-this-show attitude, coupled with her half-a-trick caterwauling, sealed her fate last night. We AI fans suffer through a lot for the sake of this show, but allowing an ingrate to stay in the game is not on the list. We expect gratitude in our AI champions. Call it ass-kissing if you want, but AI has been played to the same tune for seven years. No one gets off the hook when it comes to this.

During the group sing-along, Amanda could barely hold down her lunch to point her left hand in the air. We all know it's stupid to have the contestants do that Up with People montage. But if your fellow contestants can grin and bare it, you best get on the same page. Michael Johns is nearly 30 years old and could pass for David Archuleta's dad in the right company. I doubt he jumped for joy while doing the dumbed-down Seasme Street musical. But he did it. He knew what he was giving up some of his freedom by auditioning for AI. But he probably figures that the rewards outweigh the risks. Amanda obviously thought that too, at least at first. She should have stuck with that mindset.

I'm sure there are those that see Amanda's refusal to commit to the AI way similiar to a suspended student flipping off their principal--the little person fighting the big, bad machine. But once you step into the AI machine, you can't fight it. It's not that kind of mechanism. It will chew you up and spit you out, regardless. It will not break down due to one contestant pounding her fists against it. The question is how you handle yourself while you're a cog in the machine. Amanda was being a rusty bolt and the AI voters took the wrench to her. Out with the squeaking squwacker.

Kristy Lee Cook should be long gone by now. Her singing sucks, be there a Confederate flag in the background or not. By all rights, Amanda should been making travel plans around the AI summer tour. Instead, Drunken Nurse will be gassing up the Harley for a beer and pizza run back in Indiana.

When it comes to AI, would-be contests, one thing is clear: know your role.

Twilight Zone: AI Style

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:25:10 GMT

Break out the Scooby Snacks, because what we witnessed was a nonsense-ridden but groovy ride in the AI Mystery Van. Last night was nothing short of Bizarro World. It was surreal. I was waiting for Rod Serling to appear and set up for the story for us:

The time--8:00 PM Eastern, 5:00 PM Pacific.

The place--Los Angeles, California.

The event--the Top 11 contestants of American Idol, singing Beatles songs for a second straight week.

The reason--who the f*ck knows? But whatever the reason: it was crazy then and it's even crazier now.

Last night showed how you take a good thing and set on fire, boys and girls. Didn't Nigel Lythgoe's momma tell him not to dip from the same well too often? It's his fault that we have to deal with this jacked-up mess. No one was super good, but there were a few noteworthy moments:

Who Was Interesting:

Chikezie singing I've Just Seen a Face: this wasn't as cohesive as last week's triumph, but kudos to Mr. Eze for coming out and trying to do something different. He's managed to become the most intriguing contestant for S7. I look forward to seeing what he'll do each week. I want him to stick around so he can get the needed exposure and then move on to release a Gnarls Barkley-meets-Charley Pride avant garde/psychobilly bluegrass album. I think he's got it in him to pull it off.

Jason Castro singing Michelle: another guy who's becoming a favorite. He doesn't have Chikezie's energy or range but what he does, he does pretty well. He didn't take the song or himself too seriously and that helped the performance. I still think he's passing out hash brownies to his fellow Idols, but I like his mellow yellow vibe. His style works for me.

What I get from both Chikezie and Jason is that they really enjoy music--listening to it, singing, performing, the whole spectrum of it. Nothing about either of these guys feels forced. They're just two regular guys who are living out a dream. It's easy to root for Chikezie and Jason. I can see myself buying music from both guys. I hope both stay around for a while.

Everyone else was was medicore to pitiful.

Lil' David Archuleta was technically sound, but boring. But he remembered the lyrics this week, so let's thank Daddy Dearest for putting the rawhide to his boy's behind and getting him back on track. All hail overbearing stage parents!

David Cook was OK-ish, but not interesting enough to hold my attention. And I didn't appreciate the Peter Frampton/Roger and Zapp voice box rip-off. And I didn't realize how ugly he was until last night. And not an interesting ugly, either. Just effing fug, is that guy.

Syesha was solid, but she's got a bit of an affected vibe. She's too actress-y, which makes sense in that she's done some acting before AI. Still, she needs to tone down the mannerisms.

Amanda was average, but I don't think she's got even the range of one full octave to her voice. She's starting to grate my nerves.

Michael bellows too much for me to like him. He's not the kind of singer that does soft, airy songs. He needs to shout and yell. And he swallows his notes a lot. I expect more from a ringer.

Carly bugs and it goes beyond the ringer thing. She's got a good voice, but she reeks of desperation. I suppose having a failed $2 million career will do that to anyone. Still, her "I'm here, so love me!" persona is unnerving. And her blouse made her look pregnant.

Brooke's good, but she was off her game last night. Still not buying the Lucy Lemondrops routine, no matter how much yellow she wears. Something about her is starting to suggest that there's a banshee underneath her bonnet.

Ramiele is boring as get all out.

Kristy just needs to go. The woman is in way over her head. I can't believe she's a ringer anymore. She's just too awful. Though she made my ears perk up when she said she would knock Simon's socks off if she's around next week. I thought she said that if she gets to perform next week, she'll suck Simon's c*ck off. Honest to goodness, that's what I heard at first. That says more about my dirty mind but when that's the best part of your performance--and you didn't even say that--you're finished.

Guess Who's Back? And I'm Bringing the Power List With Me!

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:17:47 GMT

Mother Superior is back in the Church of Idoltry! Can you sip what the communion cups are holding?

Yes indeed, members and would-be converts! After a much-needed sabbatical, I have made my triumphant return to the CoI!

*golf claps*

What in the name of Ryan Seacrest's hair gel? I thought I would get a better response than this. Hmph, that's alright. Just don't come calling when you want a front row seat to the season-end sermon.

Enough with the small talk. On to the Power List!

1. Carly "Return of the Irish Ringer" Smithson: while her cover of "Come Together" wasn't nearly as good as the judges would have us believe, the former Miss Hennessey did well enough to temporarily snatch back her title as TCO. The original endgame is back on for now, with her blowing our minds as the next AI champion. But Carly shouldn't get too comfortable because directly behind her is:

2. David "Lip Licking Good" Archuleta: his version of "We Can Work It Out" was awful, but his tweeny-bopper fanbase will keep him in the race until the very end. And with news of his stage dad rearing his ugly head, scores of girls under the age of 11 will text-vote for Lil' David until their pretty pink princess manicures chip away to nothing. It's all about helping out one of their own--and it helps that he's really adorably dreamy. Who knew that rumors of you daddy essentially taking a leather strap to your Beatles-botching behind would garner such sympathy?

3. Brooke "Rated G Superstar" White: her Piano Woman take of "Let It Be" was the most heartfelt performance of the night. I'm still not sure about this innocent lamb persona she's got, but she brings a Carole King vibe to the competition, something it hasn't had in its 7-year history. This will keep her around for a long while.

4. David "Daughtry Jr." Cook: he's decent, but not as good as his reviews from the judges would suggest. I don't think his voice is as solid as Chris Daughtry's. Nor is he as attractive as Mr. It's Not Over. However, AI loves to repackage a former contestant's schtick and push the new person as a winner. Think about it: in S2, Carmen Rasmussen was the pretty but vapid blonde country singer. TPTB liked her, but she didn't have the goods to make it to the end. What do we get two years later? A pretty but vapid blonde country singer with some actual talent as the champion. Congratulations and here's your contract, Carrie Underwood. Don't think that Nigel Lythgoe hasn't thought about still making his wet dream of a rawk-star AI champion come true. It may not happen, but Uncle Nigel has thought about it.

5. Jason "Puff and Pass" Castro: he's shaping up to be this year's wild card. He's got a strong fan base, made up of bohemian-artsy college girls and anyone who wants to legalize the ganja. He's got some intangibles going in his favor, too. Question is, can he change up his routine so he doesn't become a one-trick bong? Time will tell.

6. Michael "Outback Jack" Johns: this guy is coasting. His recent performances have been technically sound but void of emotion and spirit. I'm not sure he cares about winning anymore, or if he cared in the first place. He knows that he's got enough pull to get voted into the AI tour and with this exposure, he's going to get his second chance at music stardom. I think that in his mind, a Top 6 finish is enough to get him what he wants.

7. Amanda "Drunken Nurse" Overmyer: unless she starts actually singing, she's not long for this competition. She's got the performance side down pretty well, but her vocals are terrible. I realize that many a singer has smashed their lyrics into a soupy mess; Stevie Nicks comes to mind. But AI prides itself on being about the singing. We all know that's not true, but we play along for the sake of Simon Cowell and his cronies. She needs to annunciate or she gets the shake-and-bake in a few weeks. And showing some personality wouldn't hurt.

8. Ramiele "Nytol-ov Cocktail" Mulaby: the girl's performance was anemeic at best. She really should have been in the B3 on Wednesday, but she's got just enough of a fan base that she was saved from the Seal of Doom. She needs to pick an upbeat song as a much-needed change of pace for next week, because her fans can't save her for much longer.

9. Chikezie: with such an inspired performance last Tuesday, you would think he'd rank higher on this power list. But sadly, Mr. Eze still doesn't sit easy in the breezy sipping lemoneezy when it comes to TPTB. They could care less about him. I suspect that Chikezie has earned himself a spot on this year's AI tour, but he still has to go balls to the wall with every performance. If he can replicate what he did with "She's a Women," however, the game may change just yet.

10. Syesha "Little Miss Sunshine" Mercado: being in the bottom three this early on will always land you at the bottom of BLR's Power List. Thing is, her cover of "Got to Get You Into My Life" was, at worst, #8 out of 12 from last Tuesday's performances. It wasn't great, but not altogether atrcious. Next week, she will need to bring everything she's got or we'll be singing "Got to Get Her Off That Stage" in her honor soon.

11. Kristy "General Lee" Cook: this early front-runner has lost all her heat and now limps along like a three-legged barrel horse (I'm still not buying that "I sold Mister Ed" story). On performance alone, she should have been given her walking papers this week. But gay strippers outweigh confederate flag bearers on the AI controversy scale, so she has another chance to butcher a Lennon/McCartney song. How lovely.

(Pre) Fab 12

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 08:20:45 GMT

Syesha sang Got To Get You Into My Life - The most soulful song in The Beatles catalogue, and also one of my least favorites. I didn�t like her weird rendition at all. It sounded like she was singing a completely different song than what the band was playing. *1/2

Chikezie sang She�s A Woman � Chikezie doing a funky bluegrass tinged take on a Beatles tune? It worked very well, and was probably the most original performance we�ve seen do far this season. ****

Ramiele sang In My Life � The Celine Dion-esque style did not impress me. It was as emotionless as you can get without being dead. *

Jason Castro sang If I Fell � It wasn�t anything spectacular or original, but he did a respectable job. **1/2

Carly sang Come Together � This song is pretty basic, so there�s not much you can do to change it stylistically. It was okay, but far from the brilliant performance the judges made it out to be. **

David Cook sang Eleanor Rigby- This was probably his best performance. He still comes off as Daughtry-lite, but this was good. ***

Brooke sang Let it Be � Parts of it were a bit shaky, but she sang it with conviction and real emotion. Brooke is definitely the strongest female contestant this season. ***1/4

David Hernandez sang I Saw Her Standing There � I found this really annoying. He needs to tone down the vocal gymnastics. *1/2

Amanda sang You Can�t Do That � Someone remind me again why I chose her to win it all? The Joplin-on-steroids vocal treatment is getting kind of old already. It wasn�t a terrible performance-in fact it was nearly good- but the histrionics are a bit much. **1/4

Michael sang Across The Universe � Lennon�s heartfelt masterpiece is one of my favorite Beatles songs, and this wasn�t a bad performance. Just very�sterile�**

KLC sang Eight Days A Week � Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. There was nothing good about the performance. Nothing! �*

David Archuleta sang We Can Work It Out � Jeez..David screwed this song up badly. He probably would have been better off just to throw the mic down and walk offstage. *

Best
Chikezie
Brooke

Worst
KLC
Archuleta
Ramiele

Should and Will Go
Kristy Lee

Eighties Ladies....

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:01:15 GMT

Asiah sang I Wanna Dance With Somebody- It sounded like she was singing with an ear infection. Not good. *

Kady sang Who Wants To Live Forever- She ruined a perfectly good latter-day Queen song. Freddy Mercury-in his current state- sounds better than this.*

Amanda sang I Hate Myself For Loving You � Hey at least she picked the right song for her style, and showed some personality. ***

Carly sang I Drove All Night - This version was closer to the Celine Dion remake of the song, rather than the much better Cyndi Lauper and Roy Orbison renditions. **

KL Cook sang Faithfully - A lite-country version of a Journey song? Say it ain�t so. �*

Ramiele sang Against All Odds - Musical Nyquil. Oh, and she was off key. �*

Brooke sang Love Is A Battlefield - I liked the unplugged take on this old Pat Benatar song. ***

Syesha sang Saving All My Love For You � She�s no Whitney, obviously, but I think she did the song justice. It was certainly better than Asiah�s Whitney song. **1/2

Best

Brooke

Amanda

Worst

Kristy

Ramiele

Should Go

Kristy

Asiah

Will Go

Kady

Ramiele

8.......

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:05:10 GMT

Luke sang Wake Me Up Before You Go Go-Cheesy. *

David Archuleta sang Another Day In Paradise- He continues to be the most impressive singer on the show. This kid is better than any of the contestants from last season. His little speech at the end sounded like he was competing in a beauty pageant. Stop talking, David. ***1/2

Danny sang Tainted Love�.uh huh. �*

David Hernandez sang It�s All Coming Back To Me- He remained clothed as he sang, which is always a good thing. Hate the song, but he sounded alright. **1/2

Mike Johns sang Don�t You Forget About Me � He definitely looks like a star, but tonight at least, he sounded rough. **

David Cook sang Hello � Another Daughtry-esque performance from the prematurely balding David. **

Jason Castro sang Hallelujah �Extremely brave song choice from the dreaded one. Three stars for the song choice, alone. ***1/2

Chikezie sang ??- Didn�t catch the name of the song. It was boring, though. **

Best
David Archuleta
Jason Castro

Worst
Danny
Luke

Should Exit
Danny
Luke

Will Exit
Luke
Chikezie

I Am Woman Hear Me Bore..

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:27:39 GMT

Carly sang Crazy On You-It sounded almost like the Heart original. It was both perfunctory and professional. ***

Syesha sang Me and Mr(s). Jones- This is one of the greatest soul songs of all time, and she didn�t even come close to doing it justice. It wasn�t terrible, just very bland. I�d add a half star for the creepy baby cry, though. **

Brooke sang You�re So Vain- She sort of looks like Carly Simon, so she was able to pull this off quite adequately. At least she was interesting, unlike last week. ***

Ramiele sang an absolutely god-awful version of Don�t Leave Me This Way- It was a mess from the start, and she almost recovered once�almost. �*

Kristy (or is it Kristy Lee?) sang You�re No Good- Yet another watered down nu country performance. Blah�*1/2

Amanda sang Carry On Wayward Son- Her hair was terrifying. The song was pretty brutal in spots. Kind painful, actually. *1/4

Alaina sang Hopelessly Devoted To You- see Kristy�s performance

Alexandria sang If You Leave Me Now- This was about as okay as you can get without quite being good. **

Kady sang Magic Man- Horrible..just a nightmare. �* Did Simon really say he�d never heard the song? Wow..

Asiah sang All By Myself- Did Randy and Paula hear the same song as the rest of us? That was atrocious. *

Best Of The Night
Brooke
Carly

Worst of the Night
Kady
Ramiele....and almost everybody else

Should Go
Kady and Ramiele

Will Go
Kady and Alaina

Sucking In The Seventies....

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:24:12 GMT

Michael sang Go Your Own Way-He sounded fine of the verses, but you could tell that he was struggling on the chorus. He�s no Lindsay Buckingham, that�s for sure. Oh, and his arrogance has started to turn me against him. **1/2

Jason C sang I Just Wanna Be Your Everything- I like Jason, but he took a really good pop song, and made it just another pop song. It was really mediocre. **

Luke sang Killer Queen- Give him props; this is a tough song to perform. He actually didn�t suck. Much better than last week, at least. **1/2

Robbie sang Hot Blooded- With a song like this, you really have to put some whoomp (yes, whoomp) behind the vocals. He didn�t. It was strictly paint-by-numbers. Robbie, I knew Bo Bice. Bo Bice was an entertaining singer. You�re no Bo Bice. **

Danny Malakar sang Superstar- Danny made love to the camera as he sang, imagining it to be the elusive Michael Johns. Yeah, this was not good. Not good at all. But get used to him sticking around for a while. *

David H sang Papa Was A Rolling Stone- His facial expressions bother me, but he pretty much nailed the song. If he keeps this up, he could make at least the final four. ***1/2

Jason Y sang Long Train Running- Like Killer Queen, this is a really challenging song to sing. Parts of it were bad; however, it wasn�t the trainwreck the judges made it out to be. **1/4

Chikezie sang I Believe To My Soul- Not as good as Elliott�s rendition of the song from AI5, but still pretty good. Definitely better than his performance last week. ***

David C sang All Right Now- I get that he�s trying to be all Daughtry-like, but he�s just not pulling it off. It comes off as forced, whereas Chris at least came off as being somewhat natural. Having said that, it wasn�t terrible. **1/2

David A sang Imagine- Mike Rose is right ; David may very well be the chosen one. This was pretty amazing. Better than any of the performances from last season, for sure. Whether he wins or not, this boy is a license to print money. ****

Best of the Night

David Archuleta�by far!

David Hernandez

Chikezie

Worst of the Night

Danny

Should Leave

Danny and Robbie

Will Leave

Luke and Jason Yeager

Eleven Girls...and THE RINGER!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:01:00 GMT

The girls did not impress me.....

Kristy Lee Cook sang Rescue Me. She gave a strictly by-the books rendition of the song. Her eye twitches started to freak me out after a bit. **

Joanne Borgella sang I Say A Little Prayer. She has the neo-soul thing down pat. Parts of the song were inaudible and she was clearly not comfortable. However, when she really let loose, it was quite good. ***

Alaina Whitaker sang I Love You More Than Yesterday. Hey, we heard this already this week! Huh� Yeah, she was good. Sort of Underwood-like not only in appearance, but vocally. Nothing spectacular, but it was listenable. **1/4

Amanda Overmyer sang Baby, Please Don�t Go. It was a good performance, but could have been better. The band seemed to be overwhelming her at times. Having said that, as with Taylor Hicks in Season Five, I think the show needs her to keep it interesting. ***

Amy Davis sang Where The Boys Are. She went in and out of tune so many times I lost count. Her voice could be considered pleasant if she were to learn to sing in key. *1/2

Brooke White sang Happy Together. She probably has the most natural voice of all the girls this season. She�s not a great technical singer, but has a certain warmth that�s very appealing. ***

Alexandrea Lushington sang Spinning Wheel. She sounded breathless through a lot of the song. I didn�t like it as much as Randy and Paula. Simon was right on in his criticism. **

Kady Malloy sang Groovy Kind of Love. Another blonde in the Underwood mold. Man, she missed some big notes there at the beginning. Nothing memorable, or even good, for that matter. *1/2

Assiah Epperson sang Piece of my Heart. This just in- her dad is still dead. I didn�t like the performance as much as the judges pretended to. Likable girl, but nothing special. **

Ramiele Mulaby sang You Don�t Have to Say You Love Me. A typically sultry performance that we�ve seen dozens of times before. Another merely good singer. The girls are weak this season. **

Syesha Mercado sang Tobacco Road. Ok I loved this! She can belt, and has a great soulful tone to her voice. Best of the night. ***1/2

Carly Hennessey-Smithson sang Shadow of Your Smile. Very professionally done, Carly. **

Best of the Night
Syesha
Amanda
Joanne

Worst of the Night
Amy
Kady
Alexandrea

Should Go
Kady and Amy

Will Go
Amy and Alexandria