Allow me to dust off the COI blog and get this thing rolling again.  Did you miss us?  No?  Well, f*** you, too! 

I joke, I tease, I kid.

One week into the semifinals and already I'm bored. That's not a good sign. Anyway, here are my opinions.

Jackie Tohn - "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley: It was kinda corny, but she's got a good voice. Of course, her chances of advancing are less than zero due to performing in the death slot.

Ricky Braddy - "A Song For You" - by Leon Russell: the guy has some pipes. It's too bad that he hasn't been featured much up to this point; otherwise, he would have a decent shot of making it through. Maybe he'll get a wild card slot. He's a bit dull personality wise, but he's got enough going for him to deserve another chance.

Alexis Grace - "Never Loved a Man" by Aretha Franklin: A decent singer, but something rings hollow about her. She seems sort of fake to me, like a little girl playing dress-up in hopes that the adults will invite her to the big dining room table. She has a solid chance of making the Top 12.

Brent Keith - "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean: WTF was that? Not only did he choose a dumb song, but he sang like he had a corn cob stuck up his a**. No way he makes it through. Back to being a Nashville Star reject.

Stevie Wright - "You Belong to Me" by Taylor Swift : The worst performance of the night. A bad song choice made worse in that she sang off-key more than Taylor Swift. I didn't know such a feat was possible, so kudos to Stevie for reaching such a milestone. She stunk up the joint something awful and she totally pissed on herself.

Anoop Desai - "Angel of Mine" by Monica: Decent singing, questionable song choice. He might make it through by virtue of being featured so much in earlier rounds, but he didn't do himself any favors.

Casey Carlson - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" by the Police: HELL NO. This was rough listening. Another bad song selection coupled with some warbly singing.

Michael Sarver - "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw: There needs to be a moratorium on this song. Some dope sings it every freaking year. This version was so-so. Nothing too bad, but not great. The judges seem to like him, so I imagine he'll get a wild card bid if he doesn't make it through the first time around.

Anne Marie Boskovich - "Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin: She was way out of her league by tackling that song. She's got an OK voice, but going for ReRe's inaguration church hat sealed her fate. No go.

Stephen Fowler - "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson: Il Papa said that Stephen was better than Chikieze. Someone check to see if Mr. Rose put a double dose of cyanide in his Kool-Aid, because this dude was unimpressive. He knew that he wet himself, too. He just dragged himself off-stage like the fodder he is.

Tatiana Del Toro - "Saving All My Love For You" by Whitney Houston: Drama queen antics aside, she's got a pretty good voice. Most contestants that cover Whitney songs do a poor job, but Tatiana was solid and some parts of her performance were quite nice. I can't lie--I want her to make it through because I need someone to bring the crazy during the finals. BTW, what was up with Paula trying to laugh at Tatiana's cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puffs routine? If there's one person who's got no room to laugh at anyone when it comes to insanity, it's Paula. What's the over/under for MC Skat Cat's main chick to slip into her Valium-induced coma this season, anyway?

Danny Gokey - "Hero" by Mariah Carey: Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I didn't enjoy this performance. Yes, Danny has a good voice. But choosing this treacly song while giving that syrupy monologue about wanting to inspire others to just HOLD ON TO THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE! during their time of grief? GMAFB. This ain't the Miss America pageant where Susan Kate MacHado of Minnesota gives her spiel about wanting world peace. Of course Randy, Paula, and Kara honked and clapped liked trained circus seals at the end of what surely was the best Idol performance EVAH! Someone pass me the garbage can while I puke. Are we going to have to deal with this prententious dude's mess until late May? Let me know so I can stock up on vodka--it's the only way I can make it through such tripe.