Last night's show was perfect in it medicority.  It was vanilla ice cream, served with Nilla Wafers and skim milk.  There wasn't any performance to crow about, but here goes the reviews:

Jason Castro apparently smoked a stronger version of the sticky icky, because it takes either bravery or total unawareness to play a ukulele without a sense of irony.  And I don't  take Jason as the brave type.  With that said, his cover of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was solid.  He did try to stretch his vocals more this week, so kudos for that.  He had the best performance of the night.

I would have crowned Lil' Davey Archuleta last night's winner but he didn't sing "Angels" with much convinction, in spite of having covered for a junior-high production (check out YouTube for this).  The first part of the performance was muddled, but he came along pretty strong at the end, so all's well that ends well.  The boy looks exhausted from all the work he's doing, but he didn't wet himself and as such, won't get beat with a wet towel by Daddy Dearest.

Syesha Mercado is hell-bent on becoming the next power singer.  Poor girl needs to realize that will never be her calling card.  She's a good singer when she isn't trying to hit those old-school Mariah Carey high notes.  Her version of "I Believe" was techncially better than Fantasia's, but Fanty brought the emotion to a milquetoast song and made me--well, believe that she was invested in it.  This wasn't anything wrong with Syesha's singing, but she lacked the urgency needed for this kind of ditty.

Kristy Lee Cook, if nothing else, is aware enough to realize that she's performing on borrowed time.  She understands that she's not going to win the show, but if she can outsing at least one other contestant every week, she gets to wear another glitterly tank top next week.  So she goes to her faithful country wheelhouse and performs "Anyway."  It wasn't great, but Kristy didn't stink up the joint, either.  And, if we're being honest, she wasn't close to being the worst of the night.  By all accounts, we should be saddled with her caterwauling for next Tuesday.

Michael Johns is old enough to know how important song choice is.  His puppies-are-cute-rainbows-are-pretty speech about why he chose "Dream On" is such garbage.  I expect that sort of sewage from Archuleta, but not Johns.  It didn't help matters that he pretty much butchered the song.    And when did hollering about how the Good Lord might take you away become an inspiration?  Unless I'm guaranteed a spot next to St. Peter in the Heavenly choir, don't anyone call me about death just yet!  I didn't get this performance.

David Cook was way, WAY off his 'Let Me Get My Performance Off YouTube" game tonight.  Again, I didn't understand the song choice.  With lyrics about how some guy sits in his basement listening to Lennon and Cobain sounds like a cry for help and the number to the Boys' Town National Hotline to me.  And he changed speeds in his performance.  He started out slow and, upon realizing that the Mosh Pit Dorks weren't feeling him, decided to rev up things.  Neither speed was any good.

Brooke White is having a nervous breakdown before our eyes.  Did you see her scrunchy face at the end of her performance?  That's the look someone gets just before their right eye starts twitching and they toss their head back in a blood-curdling scream while drawing blood from their torn-by-ragged-nails skin.  She's trying to hold on, but she's not gonna make it.  "You've Got a Friend" is a sweet pop song and Brooke managed to drain it of all its charm.  Not a good night for the Rated-G Superstar.

But at the previous seven didn't sound like they needed to excuse themeselves for a bathroom break.  Carly Smithson needs to invest in some Correctol or Colon Cleanse, because she sounded like she was on the toilet, trying to pass some bad buffet food.  My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies/While my instentines full of 6-day-old beer battered shrimp dies.  What would compel her to make such an odd song choice with "The Show Must Go On?"  Freddie Mercury can sing better than that in his current state.   By far the worst of the evening.

Last night did inspire me.  Indeed, I'll be watching a movie during tonight's Idol Gives Back show.  And no, I will not be giving my pennies to the Malaria Foundation.  Sorry, Seacrest.